Big kid Kim

Psalm 23 turned into prayer

2009-01-23T10:52:00.002-06:00

Recently some of the sisters got together to turn Psalm 23 into prayer. This one is written by my daughter-in-law. How I love her!

My Salvation, You take my hand and fulfill all.

You show me rest, and comfort and peace.

You guide me in timelessness, you remind me to let go.

You open my eyes to the only reality.

All to fulfill your purpose, my Salvation, our unity.

Away from tangible reminders, confronted with false visions, empty problems, baseless fear.

I know them to be illusion, ghosts anchored in time.

The mountain pasture is still my only concern.

I still see the true nature of myself, unhindered and unconfined, yours alone.

Menacing with their semblance of existence these hollow ghosts make their presence known again and again.

We don't acknowledge their non-existence- you rejoice in reminding me of their defeat. I remember, I see only you, I am overwhelmed with you.

We celebrate forever that I have always been with you.

2008-12-24T16:27:00.006-06:00

I know I've been bad about keeping ya'll up to date. I'm sorry.

For Christmas, Gloria gave Dan and me tickets to ICE. It was soooooo wonderful!! I loved it! It was 9 degrees in there. They were even blowing a little bit of snow at the entrance. Anyway, here are some pictures.

This is Dan and me in front of the gingerbread train at the Gaylord Texan.

This is the life size gingerbread house.

Aimee on a train outside ICE.

Life size nativity scene all made of ice. Wow!

A hallway leading to the ice angel. All the pillars are ice also.

Dan and me in the tunnel of ice branches.

Dan in front of snacks of ice.

Aaron and Nicole in the ice house.

Still Aaron and Nicole but Gloria and Aimee are in the other window.

Gloria getting Aimee ready for the cold. She looked like a little penguin.

They gave us all these lovely blue coats to wear over our own coats. So in all the pictures we are wearing two coats each.

Inside there was an ice slide. I didn't get any pictures of that because I was going on the slide. It really was a fun time. Thank you Gloria. Merry Christmas All!!!

God is in control

2008-08-14T13:30:00.003-05:00

All of creation is a symphony and God is the conductor. Thank you Father for your beautiful music!

A Day at Six Flags Over Texas

2008-08-12T15:42:00.003-05:00

A Baby

2008-08-06T15:32:00.009-05:00

This is Nicole, my daughter-in-law. She's pregnant!!! No one could ask for a better daughter. She is fun, smart, cute and best of all she truly loves Aaron, my son. I love her.
She invited me to go with her and Aaron and her mother, Gloria, to the birthing center to hear the baby's heart beat. This is the outside of the center. It's so cute and has a little park right next door.

At the birthing center every time a baby is born there, they put the baby's foot prints on the wall. Where you see groups of prints, those are siblings that have all been born in the center.

This is a picture of the birthing room. Nicole said that she wants to have an underwater birth. The midwife told her that she can do what ever she wants to. In fact they encourage the daddy to catch the baby. Aaron said he wasn't sure about doing that, so Gloria and I quickly volunteered for the job. We can share.

Here's a picture of Nicole and Gloria at the birthing center. I am so thankful to my Lord that Aaron married such a wonderful girl. And her family is wonderful too. Thanks Lord.

Spring Break

2008-03-22T14:35:00.015-05:00

Here's what's been going on with me during spring break. I went to a church St. Paddy's Day party. Dan won a green hat for being the fastest at word search. We ate green food and Irish stew. It was loads of fun!! Mostly we laughed a lot.

I made jewelry for my secret pal at school. Inside the stone it says "Holy One".

I have almost finished staining my kitchen cabnets. Woo Hoo!!!! I've been doing this for about 9 weeks.

I've done a little gardening.

I've journaled a little and doodled a lot.

And I've watched movies. I really liked this one a bunch.

Well, that's spring break.

Medieval Feast

2008-03-19T14:44:00.013-05:00

Being a teacher's aide is an interesting job. I've really been enjoying my job.

Right before spring break, we had a medieval feast. (This is where we are in history class.) At the feast we ate beef stew, bangers (sausage dogs) on bread plates (called trenchers) with assorted fruits and cheeses.

After we ate, we held a tournament where the girls were the princesses and the boys were the knights of a princess's court.

The knights made their swords, shields, armour in class a few weeks before. The princesses made their scepters, jewelry, and hats in class a fee weeks earlier.

Now for the competition! We had archery, sword handling, catapult launching, and jousting. Our kids had a blast. So did the parents and teachers!

Now the children know what a knight did for his royalty. And what royalty did. They know from experience what they ate in those times and how they played.

I love my job! Thanks Lord!

Cruisen

2008-03-07T11:45:00.006-06:00

I haven't blogged in a long time... I don't know why; I guess I was too busy. Anyway, Here are a few photos from our cruise with some of the church.

We really had a good time and did some of fun things. This was in October of 2007.

Let's see... karaoke night was really enjoyable.

The food was incredible. The ports were very interesting. The shopping was the best. Singing on the back of the ship was fun. But my favorite time of the whole trip was with my brothers and sisters on the top deck under the stars. That was soooo the Lord. The stars were so close and bright. You could see nothing else out there but darkness. It gave me the feeling of being very small and insignificant. And how large my Lord is.

Walking

2007-08-01T16:01:00.001-05:00

We've been walking around the neighborhood in the evenings. It's been such a mild summer. We haven't even hit the high 90's this year. (Now that I have said that, we will.) It's just so nice to walk in the cool of the evening with other believers and talk with our Lord. It makes me love where I live.

Thank you Lord, for your church, your body.

A Morning of Song

2007-07-14T11:24:00.001-05:00

I woke up this morning with singing in my head. These are the words that keep playing.

Lord you are more precious than silver
Lord you are more costly than gold
Lord you are the heart of our worship
And all that we desire is to be with you

That's all. I just wanted to share some praise to our Lord.

Thank you Lord for mornings that start with singing.

A Blessing Box

2007-06-07T23:48:00.001-05:00

Recently my blogger sister (also sister in Christ), Deborah, sent me a blessing box. I decided to share this with my sisters in Christ that live here in Arlington.

These are some pictures of some of us opening the box and discovering it's contents. Each item was wrapped individually in pink or purple paper. And when we opened the box, it smelled soooo good. We oooed and awed, ate M&M's, and sniffed everything with a scent. At the end of our evening together, everyone had a couple of things to take home. We all felt very special to have someone, we have never met before, (living in a state that none of us has even visited) bless us in such a generous way.

Thank you Lord for people like Deborah! Who love with your unconditional love.

A surprise for the Church

2007-05-28T17:03:00.001-05:00

At our most recent meeting of the Church in Arlington, we spoke of being sheep and knowing the Shepherds voice. And how the sheep aren't concerned with anything except the Shepherd. One may wonder off ... but the Shepherd is the one to go out and get the one that wondered off. The Shepherd breaks the legs of the one that keeps wondering off. The Shepherd leads His flock to still waters because the sheep will drown in running water. The Shepherd digs a pool beside the running water so that the sheep will have still water to drink. There are many more things that the Sheperd does.

Then we open a package that we recieved from the Church in Saint Paul. And in it is a letter, a DVD, some Belgian hot chocolate, some pictures with poetry about the Wizard of Awes, some packing paper telling us who we are in Christ, and a Lamb cookie cutter.

So the next night we got together to watch the DVD, drink Belgian hot chocolate and make lamb sugar cookies (Actually Robbin made all of them. But we watched). Here's a picture of some of us in the kitchen. What a wonderful time in the Lord!

Thank you Saint Paul, you are a blessing to us!
Thank you Lord for Saints like these, and sister Churches!

New Job

2007-04-28T11:40:00.002-05:00

Hi all! I'm back. My dad passed away the end of February and I've taken some time.

In the time I've been gone, I have started a new job. I'm an aid in the first and second grade at Flint Academy. I love working there. I get up in the morning and get to go to work. And the night before, I say to Dan (my husband), "I get to go to work in the morning"! I think it's because the children and the teachers care for one another so much. There are alot of special needs children in Flint Academy. They seem to cause the school to work as one. Just like a family. Each child is concerned about the needs of the other. This was not taught, it just is. And, of course, is encouraged by the teachers. The teachers are special people also, they love the children. These kids are so fortunate to be in this atmosphere. They are learning not only book knowledge, but good social skills from the examples set by their teachers. These are some pictures I have taken in our classroom.

Valentines Day

2007-02-14T11:44:00.000-06:00

Here's wishing everyone a very happy Valentines Day!!!

Control

2007-02-08T11:15:00.001-06:00

Well I've been in Jacksonville, FL again to see my dad at the Mayo Clinic. He had an operation that has never been done before. My brother, Ben and I went to support dad... and my mom, who would be there alone. Ben and I were very surprised to find that she had the support of a church that she has visited only a few months. These people were there with her alot. They would come to the hospital and sit for hours with her in the waiting room. We must have met at least 20 or more people from that church. The Lord is good to us! Ben and I were there for 5 days. When we left, dad was still in ICU. They are keeping him sedated so that he doesn't pull out the ventilator.

Going through all of this, has caused me to start thinking about how we see good and bad. Then my mind went to the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. The knowledge of good and evil was passed to us through the generations. We as people living on the earth see things in terms of good things and bad things. But somethimes what we see as good, can be bad. Like when Judas kissed Jesus. A kiss is normally a good thing, but in this case it was betrayal. Betrayal is a bad thing, but in this case it was a good thing, because it was the Lord's plan. It's all so confusing. But, looking through the Lord's eyes causes us to see things in their proper perspective. Sometimes there are moments when we can't see through the Lord's eyes. We are just too close to what's going on. These are the times when we let go and rest in Him, and the Lord in us takes over through faith. He is that faith. He is leaking out of us at that moment. I noticed that everytime Jesus healed someone, He always told them that it was because of their faith. Those that were healed had come to the bottom and let go of control. They were giving control to the Lord.

So Lord, here's control. I hope that in all things in my life, you have control. I understand that I am not perfect, and that I will take control again and again. But, remind me again and again, that I want you in control.

Just thinking

2007-01-23T13:18:00.001-06:00

Recently I've been thinking about relationships and how they work. Mostly I've looked at the Father and the Son's relationship with each other. They are so in love with one another. Everything the Father made, He created out of His Son, by His Son and for His Son. So everything we see with our eyes is something made by the Father for the Son. Why? Because God is so crazy in love with His Son, Jesus.

On the other side of the relationship, I see that Jesus said and did nothing of Himself. He only did what His Father told Him to do, and said only what His Father told Him to say. Why? Because Jesus is so crazy in love with His Father.

These are things that I have known with my mind for a long time, but suddenly I know them with my heart.

Now when I'm having someone over for coffee, I think "I want this to be the best coffee this person has ever had, because my Lord lives in her/him". "What else can I do to make this person's visit with me better?" "How can I make this person feel special?" My relationships are changing because of a revealing of Jesus to me. I see Their relationship as one I want to reflect.

Lord make me your mirror.

Keep Them Coming Lord

2007-01-12T14:41:00.001-06:00

This morning I spent time with the Lord. Just loving Him, nothing else. Well besides drinking my morning cup of coffee. This is what I saw. I found Him in my cup. He is the cup, all white and pure without blemish. I found Him in my hands, they belong to Him. I found Him in my coffee. He stimulates me... He causes me to breath Him in as my heart pumps Him throughout my body. I found Him in the wood grain on the table... He carves those patterns in the wood individually just like fingerprints, not one is a mistake. I found Him in the gardinia plant... the fragrance is Him, the deep green of life is Him and sweet to take in. And I went on from there loving Him.

As we drove up to the rec center for our morning workout, the Lord had a surprise for us. I was thinking how grey a day it was. The rain spitting on us intermittently. And there in the tree were balloons, bright and cheery. So out of place in that tree with no leaves. A gift for my eyes from the Lord.

Then I took this picture of my cousin's son, Issac. (That's the way they spell it) This made me think of how we are all connected to one another and nature. He's in the car ready to go home for a nap. But the reflection of the tree caught my attention. In the picture he and the tree look to be one. We are one with our Lord and each other as His body.

Today has been a day of seeing the Lord or seeing the Lord's hand move. I love days like this. Keep them coming Lord!

Perfect Fit

2007-01-03T13:31:00.001-06:00

Hi All! I've had a very busy Christmas/New Year Season. My son, Aaron got married on December 30th. I love the woman that he married, and I love her family. Her name is Nicole. Nicole's mom told a story and then her maid of honor also told the same story... Nicole knew she was going to marry Aaron after their first date. That's kinda cool to me because after I met Dan, I knew I was going to marry him. I told his brother, Andy and my best friend. It's like you find your perfect fit. That's the way I feel about Dan, and I bet Nicole feels the same way about Aaron.

Thanks Lord for our perfect fits.

Yucky Stuff

2006-11-30T08:46:00.001-06:00

Friday I go in for another surgery. I'm not happy about it, but I'm ready to be done with it. So here comes another two weeks (at least) that I won't be able to function properly. I'm so tired of being abnormal. I want to go back to being a regular person that can do regular things. And my poor husband. Oh my gosh, he has to be on overload, because he is going to be doing everything AGAIN. He never complains about it. I just know that it's hard to do it all.

Well, I've said all that to say, I probably won't be blogging for a while, but I'll be back.

Thanks Lord for this day and every day to come. You are each and every moment.

Thanksgiving

2006-11-25T18:40:00.001-06:00

Our Thanksgiving this year was alot of fun with extended family. We talked and laughed, some watched the football game and some played taboo. My soon-to-be daughter-in-law, Nicole, made the Turkey. It was very good, I'm impressed! I met Nicole's mom and sisters, Gloria, Erin and Aimee. They came all the way from Okalahoma to be with us. All of them are a delight. Dan's mom, Helen, and his sister and brother-in-law, Denise and Don came. And I'm so glad they did. My Gramie and brother and sister-in-law, Ben and Annette (soon to be grandparents) were there with one of their daughters and her husband, Tiffany and Miquel (soon to be a mom and dad). And Bob and Sylvia came. We always have fun with them. We had way too much food and ATE way too much food. We had a good time together. Later that evening some of us went to see Happy Feet. That was fun also.

I am thankful for all these people in my life Lord. I am also thankful to still have a mom and dad that love me very much. You can never have too much family! They are the ones that love you anyway. Just like you do Lord. There are more than just the ones that I have named. There are some that had other dinners to go to. And they are loved also. Thanks again Lord for all these people I love, you are amazing!

Really Fast Trip

2006-11-16T09:12:00.001-06:00

Some of us from the Church in Arlington went on a trip to Jacksonville, Florida this past weekend. It was a whirl wind trip. With a van rented we left Arlington, Texas on Friday at noon and drove to Pennsicola, Florida. It was about midnight when we stopped at a hotel. There were many bathroom stops in between there.

The next morning we were off again. This time for only 4 to 5 hours. When we reached Jacksonville the brothers went to thier meeting while we (the sisters) went to Ponte Vedra to visit my mom and dad.

My dad is there being tested by the Mayo Clinic for a lung and liver transplant. He has gotten on the liver transplant list but still waiting to find out about the lung transplant.

After visiting for a while, we (mom too, dad wanted to rest) took off for the beach. Annette had never been to the East Coast before. We all had a blast looking for shells and little souvenirs. Mom's cell phone rang and it was Ben asking that we come back to the Jax neighborhood. So back we headed with all our treasures in hand.

It was the sister's turn to have a meeting. The brothers went to Ponte Vedra to visit with mom and dad.

A couple of hours past and the brothers were back to pick us up for the long ride back to Arlington. But before leaving the sister's in Jax had made sack lunches for each of us for the long ride back. Thank you sister's for your thoughtfulness. With sack lunches in hand there were hugs all around and we were off once again. We drove straight through this time so that people would have time to rest during Sunday before having to go back to work on Monday. We arrived in the Arlington neighborhood at 12:30pm. It was nice to be home. Although we had a terrific time.

Thanks Lord for keeping us safe in more ways than one.

Camping Out

2006-11-07T14:58:00.001-06:00

This past weekend some of the church went camping. We had a blast. We sang, and ate, and fellowshipped all weekend long. Some of us rode bikes. Ben did all the cooking and cleaning. Except for Bob cleaning Sylvia. We laughed and told stories. Annette was in a tree again! We tryed to take a picture with the timer on the camera. I guess you can see how that turned out. We burned all of our expectations. Just gave them to the Lord so that He can have what He wants in a meeting. After all it is for Him that we come together. All of it was alot of fun! Even the cold.
Thanks Lord for your body!!!

Gramie

2006-10-28T11:20:00.001-05:00

Today is my Grandmother's birthday!!! She's 89!!! Woohoo! Happy Birthday Gramie! I love you!

This woman is amazing. She walks a mile every morning. And then every other day goes to the gym with me and Sylvia and works out. She lifts weights! She calls it pumping iron. I think she says it that way to make us all laugh. There's not much that slows her down. Thank you Lord for Gramie and her health!

Galatians

2006-09-25T15:03:00.002-05:00

We have spent several months on Galatians now. I'm starting to understand the reason for spending so much time in one place. Just when you think there can't be anymore... there's more.

I have learned that there is freedom in Jesus Christ, and that the freedom He gives is to be given away. By taking freedom, one takes someone elses freedom. But if someone gives you freedom, you have taken no one's freedom. So the body of Christ does exactly what she sees the Father and the Son do... Give freedom. I have found that giving away my liberty increases my liberty. Just as everything else given to us by the Lord increases when given away.

Missing you Vancouver

2006-04-05T17:51:00.001-05:00

Some things are just amazing. Here are some pictures of 6 women from Vancouver, Washington (along with the women in Arlington, Texas) that are parts of churches that have never met until February 2006. The amazing part is that instantly we were like family. Here's 12 to 15 women all in agreement on one thing and that's the Lord. These women come from different backgrounds, different age groups, different religious upbringings, different hobbies, different ages of children. Yet what binds them together... no, draws them to one another is the love of a living, breathing, holy Lord. A Lord and creator found inside of one another. The whole weekend was full of discovery. We learned names and habits and likes and dislikes of one another. We ate and slept, laughed and cried, stepped into unexplored territory together. And when they were gone... it was like there was part of ourselves missing. I hope that some day soon the sisters in Arlington can go to Vancouver and for a short time to be reunited with our missing parts.

Love to all of you. Wish you were here. All praise to our Amazing Lord, Jesus!

Tagged

2006-01-15T12:10:00.001-06:00

Well, I've had 4 people tell me that I've been tagged. So here it is.

Four Jobs I've had:

waitress
pharmacy tech
medical records transcriber/tech
assistant manager for furniture rental company

Four movies I'd watch over and over again:

The Great Race
The Matrix
The Mirror Has Two Faces
Real Genius

Four Places I've Lived:

Virginia
Colorado
New York
Kansas

Four TV shows I love to watch:

House
CSI
Gilmore Girls
Last of the Summer Wine

Four Websites I visit daily:

none daily, but I frequent... Goody's blog
Sarah's blog
Annette's blog
Nicole's blog... and lots of others

Four places I've been on Vacation:

Niagra Falls
Paris, France
Jasper, Arkansas
Stuttgart, Germany

Four foods I love:

Colter's onion rings
chicken tortilla soup
egg custard
snickers candy bars...
but these are subject to change on a whim

Four places I'd rather be:

I can't think of anywhere I'd rather be than where I am right now, but I do want to visit Alaska some day

Tagging:
anybody that wants to do this

Caroling

2005-12-22T09:22:00.001-06:00

Last night the church went caroling. Afterwards, they all came in for hot chocolate. And kept right on caroling. It was really neat to have so many people together in one place that want to praise their Lord in song. Very nice! Here's some pictures of hot chocolate time. Thanks church!!

Seasons

2005-12-19T07:30:00.001-06:00

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare anyone. That depression didn't last very long. It was about a day and a half I felt that way. My sisters showed up here one by one bringing my Lord in them. I found Him again. In a very tangable way. He is in their eyes, their smiles, their hugs, their words. They cleaned my house and read to me and sat with me, and sang to me, and left little notes of encouragement on my door, but most of all they just love me.

We have some of those little, cheap, plastic magnet letters on our refrigerator. My husband, Dan, writes little messeges to me with them. This is the messege I found the next day.

Pain and Comfort is Christ. I thought about this for a while. If Christ is All in All, then, yes, He is pain. Thinking like that, suddenly I could feel Him. My senses were aware, once again of my Lord.

My brother, Ben and my sister-in-law, Annette visited while I was still hooked to my little chemo machine. Ben picked out this picture to give to me. It's a picture of a tree going through all the seasons. As you walk past the picture, the tree changes from one season to the next. All of them are beautiful.

Bonnie called me one day a while before I lost my hair. She had a scripture she wanted to share with me. I think this scripture is what started me thinking in the direction of the tree.
"For there is hope for a tree, if it is cut down, that it will sprout again, and that it's tender shoots will not cease. Though it's roots may grow old in the earth, and it's stump may die in the ground, yet at the scent of water it will bud and bring forth branches like a plant." Job 14: 7-9

These are the words to a song that started me thinking in the direction of seasons:

"Every evening sky, an invitation to trace the patterned stars
And early in July, a celebration for freedom that is ours
And I notice You in children's games, in those who watch them from the shade
Every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder.
You are Summer.

And even when the trees have just surrendered to the harvast time
Forfeiting their leaves in late September and sending us inside
Still I notice You when change begins and I am braced for colder winds
I will offer thanks for what has been and what's to come.
You are Autumn.

And everything in time and under heaven finally falls asleep
Wrapped in blankets white all creation shivers underneath
And still I notice You when branches crack and in my breath on frosted glass
Even now in death You open doors for Life to enter.
You are Winter.

And everything that's new has bravely surfaced teaching us to breathe
What was frozen through is newly purposed turning all things green
So it is with You and how You make me new with every season's change
And so it will be as You are recreating me
Summer, Autumn, Winter, Spring."

Even in my depression my Lord is there. I knew that all along, but now I can find Him in the depths. And even if I don't think I can, I have people that bring Him to me. Brothers and sisters in Christ that are full to the brim and overflowing with Him. He is all the seasons we go through. Never leaving us alone, never failing. Thank you Lord for your faithfulness. You are FAITHFULNESS.

Enough for Now

2005-12-17T05:18:00.001-06:00

Well round 2 is over. It seems to be taking a little longer each time to come out of it. The medicines they give me to control the side effects are so much better than 15 years ago, when I had cancer the first time. But they still don't control the emotional side effects.

I remember when I was 28 years old (and maybe it was because of my age) that I never felt my life threatened by this disease. I did however, in about round 5 reach an emotional low. I am and always have been a person that is positive. I can always find something good. My glass is always half full so to speak. But at round 5 (15 years ago) I found myself wishing to be dead. Wishing to fall asleep and never wake up again. I have never been that depressed before. I was so sick that I couldn't even keep water down. Even in this state, I told myself the chemo was helping me.

This time, the vomitting is missing but the sickness is still there. The state of mind is worse. I feel threatened by the chemo. The depression that I went through 15 years ago, in round 5 and 6 is back in round 2. My doctor is so proud of the new medicines that control the side effects and has no idea of the emotional side effects. To him it's all physical. Which, by the way, is still not good, but is soooo much better than it used to be. This time I know the chemo is poison to my body. I know that I am allowing myself to be poisoned. My heart feels the chemo as it goes in. I feel my heart struggle every time to keep up with what I need to survive. And the depression that I feel is too real. I have been here once before. I didn't care for it then, and I still don't. I am struggling to make sense of what's happening. Yes, the chemo is poison, but the chemo also kills the cancer. But, they can't control what else it kills. I feel myself slipping into the depths of hopelessness. I know my Lord is HOPE. But, I can't seem to reach Him. I know He's there, but I can't see Him. I've called His name and I know He is with me, but where? None of my senses are aware of Him. Just my heart knows from when He created me, that He IS here. I don't think I can do this much longer. The dispare is eating me alive. I am being devoured bit by bit. Lord, I need you!! Lord, help me get through this. This had to be how you felt those three days you were separated by death from your Father. I know you have said to dwell on those things that are good and pure and holy, but I can't find them. You are those things. I know you are here and that is going to have to be enough for now.

Thanks for the evening!

2005-12-09T09:37:00.001-06:00

I'm just getting ready for round two of chemo. Same old thing. Cleaning and washing, putting things away. Today at 2pm it will start again.

Oh, but last night, Sheila, Sarah, Annette and I went to see Pride and Predjudice. It was wonderful! We giggled and oooed and awwwed through the whole movie. It's definitely a must see if you love chick flicks. The costumes weren't over done. The sets were wonderful. And the backgrounds were georgeous! And we all know the story is great!

Thank you sisters, for a lovely evening!!

My Father's Eyes

2005-12-05T18:41:00.001-06:00

This morning I got up and took a shower. My hair had been coming out slowly all last week. Kind of like a tree looses it's leaves in autumn. I had been putting it up in a ponytail to hide the thinning.

Taking a shower was a huge mistake. After washing my hair, I had to comb it out. Large bundles of hair began to come out in my comb. It was too long to control. There was too much coming out. So I called Sarah to come see what she could do. I asked her to pull out what she could. How incredibly thankful I am to have her in my life. She very gently pulled, cut, and combed my hair until no more would come out. She said, "Thank you Lord for autumn and thank you for winter too." I told her how I felt like a tree loosing it's leaves... and she understood. Thank you Lord for Sarah.

Sarah's daughter, Emma (four years old) came with her and smiled and hugged me as if nothing was different at all. Lord, to be like these little ones of yours. It seems that through their eyes, the people they love are always the people they love. No matter what they look like. Because my sparsly tufted head didn't look that great. And yet she threw her arms around me and loved me all the same. It brought tears to my eyes to know that my looks have nothing to do with the love I recieve from my sisters. I know that they ( and I'm talking about all of you) see me through my Father's eyes. Thank you Lord for sisters that see with your eyes and love with your heart.

I am Me Again

2005-11-30T10:02:00.001-06:00

Yesterday was the first day after round one that I was able to be me with no sick feelings. First I cleaned the kitchen (that never ending job) then I swept and vacuumed the floors. I couldn't stand it any longer, I have two schnauzers that seem to be magnets for every leaf in the backyard until they come into the house. And then the house becomes the magnet to the leaves. By the time I finished that, was tired. So I sat down for a while.

Then I went to Luby's with Bob and Sylvia for lunch. We stayed there a couple of hours just talking about the Jacksonville conference that Bob, Ev, Sheila, Donna, Aaron, Sarah and Bill went to. It was so nice to fellowship again! Then I had to go to the bank. One of those frustrating jobs, but I don't want to go in to that.

After all that, I was driving home. Everything was so bright and cheery. The autumn colors were full and robust. And I knew that my Lord was everywhere I could see. I had to thank Him for this day. Thank you Lord for a day of feeling good.

Round One Finished

2005-11-22T00:43:00.001-06:00

Yesterday was the last of round one chemo. I'm so glad to not be hooked to that machine and free to move about as I will. Although the moving is very cautious because of the queezy stomach and swimming head I'm left with. Yet I feel so free. I have a whole 21 days before I have to do it again. They tell me that my hair will start to fall out in about 6 to 10 days. I'm not looking forward to that bit.

This weekend when the church was meeting, they called me and sang to me. I loved it. I didn't want them to stop. It was almost like being there with them. After they hung up I thought maybe this is how Jesus felt to be on this earth and have communication with His Father. Normally I am with the church and talking and singing and sharing with them. Looking at all their faces and spending time together. Now that has all gone aside for a time. I don't feel totally cut off, because they come around some. But... it's not the same.

My beautiful sister-in-law, Annette, has had her hair cut off. She wanted to give me her ponytail so that I could hang it out of the back of a hat. She loves me so much! I can't believe she cut her beautiful hair for me!! She told me that she sat there telling the hairstylist how special I am. I'm thinking she's the one that is so special!! I can't help but love this woman who loves me so much! It has to be the Lord flowing from her to me and back again. That's the only way to explain it. It's just like the Father loving His Son and pouring all of His love into Him. And then the Son loving His Father so much that He takes all of the love that His Father has poured into Him and pours it back into His Father again. And so goes the divine relationship. I feel like a part of that relationship. It's like all that I am is in Him and I can do nothing but what He wills. It's quite a wonderful feeling!

Birthday Wishes

2005-11-19T12:21:00.001-06:00

Happy Birthday to my beautiful Mama!!! The Lord shines in you. Don't worry I'm not telling how old you are. I love you mom!

Getting Ready

2005-11-17T09:00:00.001-06:00

These are some pics of my lovely sisters in Christ!! Please excuse Lon (He's a brother).

Well, chemo starts tomorrow. I've been trying to get things done around here before I don't feel like it anymore. It's hard to think of everything. I've gone to the grocerie store and cleaned all the bathrooms, done all the laundry, got as much Christmas shopping done as I could, filled all my prescriptions, changed the sheets on all the beds, cleaned the kitchen several times (I don't think that job is ever done), I brought all my plants in from outside last night. The list goes on. There's still so much to do. I know I'm forgetting something. Oh well, if it doesn't get done, it will still be here.

An hour before I go to chemo I have to take my anti-nausea meds. Then I will go to the cancer center and get the first chemical. That will take about an hour. Then I'll be hooked to a pump that will give me the second chemical - that will take 3 days. And on Monday I go back to get the third chemical in the series - that takes about an hour. And that concludes one round of chemo. I'll do this every 21 days until I finish all my rounds. After the first three rounds there will be a break for the mastectomy. I'm really not looking forward to any of this.

But there is an upside. I have to tell you how wonderful the sisters are here. They have made me little signs to put in my bedroom window so they will know what I need. The signs say:

I'm sick and nauseous - Go away
I miss you - Leave me a note to remind me that you miss me too!
I need my sisters - (I love you brothers, but sister things are going on right now)
I'm hungry Goody!
I love you - but I need some time by myself right now.
I'm taking a nap
I need conversation and a hug!

I think they thought of everything. Sheila brought me some homemade chicken soup all individually packed in serving sizes to be frozen until I need them. Along with that she brought some of her healthy chocolate chip cookies she makes and some mini banana muffins. The sisters have all been so great!! Brothers, you're pretty great too! It's so nice to be living in churchlife. Thank you, Lord for your body!!!

Every Moment

2005-11-14T13:50:00.001-06:00

Well, Nick left yesterday. We had a full weekend. Four meetings, one sister's meeting, one brother's meeting, lunch at Mijo's (a resturant near by), dinner at the Heroman's (also where the babysitting was), and a truck ride around the neighborhood. We spent alot of time together. It was fun!

At one point during the weekend I was crying these big black mascara tears, and Ev reached out with a tissue and gently wiped my tears away. Not just one wipe... One wipe under each eye, and then one long wipe along my jawline where tears were waiting to fall to my lap. I felt like my Lord had just wiped my tears away. And He did through my brother, Ev. And then, as if that wasn't enough, Russell put words to my feelings. He saw the Father wiping my tears.

I wasn't sad. I was overwhelmed. I was the cup full to the brim and overflowing. I couldn't hold anymore, so out of my eyes He flowed. There was more of Him in me and around me than I could contain. I was that clay vessel filled with Him and surrounded by Him all at the same time.

I know these are just words on a screen. But it wasn't at that moment. That moment I lived Him. One of those moments that you never want to end, but if it doesn't you know you'll expire. It's too much and not enough at the same time. That moment was Him. He is every moment. The only difference was... I was aware of Him in me.

Early Thanksgiving

2005-11-10T15:45:00.001-06:00

Last night, a bunch of us went to Whole Foods for their "Taste Of Thanksgiving".

We started in the produce section where we found sauted asparagus with hollandaise sauce and butternut squash soup. Yumm. Very tastey!
We moved on to the herb crusted salmon, smoked salmon and herb roasted pork. More yummies!

Then came the tofu turkey with gravey and cranberry sauce. It was pretty good. Not at all what I thought it would taste like. With that they served warm apple cider.
As we rounded into the deli section we found roasted turkey (the real thing this time).
Along with mashed potatoes flavored with roasted garlic, mashed yams with orange zest, sauted green beans with herbs, crab bisque, pumpkin mousse, and much more that I didn't taste.

Then came dessert: chocolate pecan pie, pumkin pie, chocolate truffles, and brie on crackers was stuck in there. Coffee was around the corner.

And that's just the stuff that I tasted. I can't remember all of the foods that were there to be sampled.

By the time we finished sampling everything, we were full! So we called it dinner and left to go to our meeting. It really was alot of fun. Thanks Sheila, for the suggestion. I'd like to do it again.

Is that a nest on your head?

2005-11-07T14:12:00.001-06:00

Okay, I'm back.

Since I've been away I have had surgery to implant my port. That's the thing they put the chemo in. It's kind of like an IV under the skin going directly to my heart. I feel bad because I'm realizing that I have scared everyone off. I said some things about liking to be left alone when I don't feel well and everyone is very skitish about coming around. Please don't leave me. Do what comes to you to do.

This came to my attention when I had my surgery. I woke up in recovery and no one was there. I hurt and had no one to help me. And then a nurse asked me, but she didn't understand me. So I continued to hurt. The Lord was letting me know not to put restrictions on this. So, I am saying right now..... I love what you do for me, no matter when or where. I love you loving me.

This past saturday Annette, Sheila, and Sylvia and I went to the wig shop. We tried on all the hats and fingered all the wigs (some of us more than others). Tried to match our hair to samples that they had. Tried on wigs (some of us more than others), and waited a very long time for our turn. We laughed and giggled, snapped some photos of each other. And later in the car, had hair puns. Not hair pins. PUNS. Tee Hee. (Oh, you had to be there)

My dear brother and sister-in-law (but in reality my sister), my lovely mom and dad, and my sweet Gramie, bought a wig for me. Now I don't have to be a baldy except when I'm in the mood be a baldy. These days I'm feeling quite spoiled. But I have yet to start my chemo. I go wednesday to see my onchologist. I guess he will let me know when I will start.

Here are some photos of the wig trip. And one of me with my new wig on.

2005-10-26T16:54:00.001-05:00

This morning hasn't been one of my best. I went to the cancer center for an appointment and the doctors want me to start chemo as soon as possible. I sat there quite calmly, with my insides screaming, "I don't want to!!!! I don't want to!!!". Chemo is the worst part of cancer. The radiation I can handle. The surgeries I can handle. I can even handle being bald again. But the chemo is beyond me. I need you Lord to take this part. I know you have plans for good. So Lord, for you I do this a second time.

I sat in my car for a long time just letting everything sink in. I could feel my heart beating hard against the inside of my chest as if it were trying to get out. It was saying, " I have to get out of here before they poison me again!"

Still in a state of shock I turned the ignition. The CD in the player began to play.....

"If you need me,
Call me
No matter where you are
No matter how far
Just call my name
I'll be there in a hurry
On that you can depend and never worry
No wind, No rain or winter's cold
Can stop me baby
If you're my goal....."

My Lord was singing to me. I saw in my head my sisters singing and bouncing around a room. They had brightly colored boas hanging from their necks being swung in all directions. My Lord living in them sang to me. Now I was crying and smiling all at the same time. How much more confused can one get?? It seems these days I'm not just feeling one set of feelings. It's more like a compilation of feelings. I called His name out loudly and tears came harder.

Our Lord is alive and well in Arlington! He gushes out of us with such force.

I drove into the neighborhood and there they were. Sarah and Sheila. Exactly what I needed. Sisters. They encouraged me and shared my pain. Sarah pointed out to me that our tears are your tears Lord. I felt better having seen them and talked to them. I know that the Lord answered the cry of my heart. He gave me words from a CD to call His name. So I called. And there He was in my sisters.

You, Lord. It's all about You!

The Porch

2005-10-22T10:03:00.001-05:00

In our neighborhood we have a place we call the porch. This is where anyone can go at anytime of day or night and focus on the Lord. If someone is already there, you know what they are there for; and you are welcome to join in.

A couple of nights ago Dan and I went to the porch. The sun was going down and it was very peaceful. We called His name some and just breathed Him in some. The silence was full of Him.

Then we heard the crunching of dried leaves. Footsteps drawing closer. My heart skipped and began to beat faster. I knew who was coming. It was my Lord. More of my Lord coming to join. As Annette topped the stairs, I greeted her with, "Good evening Lord". It didn't matter the vessel He came in. I knew who she was and where He lives. He is the one that drew her there at that time. The three of us sat with no words. Just enjoying Him. We listened to the sounds of creation. A dog barking, "Lord, Lord. Lord." The crickets chirpping , "Jeeeee - sus, Jeeeee - sus." A train whistle in the distance, "GOD,GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD". All of creation called to Him. And then we heard singing.

"Lord you are my strength
You are my help in all my troubles
Lord you are my freind
You are my lover
Lord I worship you, I bow down and adore you.
I love you, I love you, I love you."

Two sisters knew where we were and seranaded the Lord in us. And then they were gone.

The porch is new for us. It may not always be in the same back yard, but the place will always be Him.

The Camp Out

2005-10-20T13:06:00.001-05:00

These are my thoughts and feelings after not sleeping the first evening of our camp out/retreat. I know these thoughts came from the Lord, because only He is gracious and good. (I'm a grumpy butt when I don't get enough sleep)

When I got up this morning it was still dark. I plugged in the camp lights. How feastive they looked in the darkness. A short time past and Lord, you turned the sky pink. It wasn't just a small patch of pink, but an entire group of clouds strewn across the sky. My thoughts went to my sisters Diane and Emma. You have put in them a love for your pinkness.

As my gaze rolled across the sky for more of you, I saw a single bird in the air. Not going anywhere, just wings wide open and floating in one spot of pink. It was as if he was suspended in gel. I thought of how slowed down my mind would have to be to attain being suspended in you that way. And how much that bird must be enjoying his morning set high on the breath of his creator.

I made hot water for my oatmeal. I could see that Donna's lights were on now. I padded over to the opening of the path that led to Donna and Sheila's campsite. Donna was doing something at her picnic table. Probably thinking of you at the same time. My thoughts went to how much I love her and how I was seeing the Son rise in my sister.

I went back to my oatmeal. I thought, "That's a good idea, I'll watch the sun come up". I moved my chair to where I thought I might best experience our morning (mine and the Lord's). I looked into the sky again. You changed it. Now the clouds were a soft grey with a little hint of peach. But more grey. I could see where the sun was going to make it's appearance. There was a half ring of orange just beyond the tree tops to the east. I sipped my coffee and waited. My eyes rested in the direction of the beggining. It wasn't very long before a small cloud inside the orange ring lit up. It sparkled like mother of pearl. It became so bright that it almost hurt my eyes to look at it. As I squinted, I thought now John must have felt trying to describe his vision in Revelation. The difficulty of putting into words something no one on this earth has ever seen before. Thank you brother John, for doing what your Lord asked of you.

The sun began to peek over the tree tops. Wow! How beautiful! It came fast now. Words like... Fabulous... Spectacular... Magnificent, rolled over in my mind. But none of them were good enough. Lord, your sunrise is so much more. The light came so brightly that my eyes couldn't look in that direction any longer. I followed where the light spilled. It lit up the tops of the trees standing on a distant hillside. They were covered in autumn colors. The light gradually oozed from top to bottom like golden honey being poured out. I leaned back in my chair to soak in your warmth. You are my morning, Lord! This morning has been lived by you in me. This I know.

Relief from the Lord

2005-10-18T15:24:00.001-05:00

A few weeks ago I found out I have breast cancer for the second time.

I woke up in the middle of the night and started writing. This is what I wrote:

My Lord is not just leaking out of me. I feel Him flowing. He is pouring out of me so fast that I no longer am me. He stands in my shoes and I am a mere observer of my own life. When my arms reach out to hug someone, they are not my arms, but His that pull that person in close. And the love that I feel in my heart is so full and large that I feel as if it will burst open at any moment. It is His love and compassion that flows through this temperal body.

I feel my own weakness and His strength all at the same time. It truely is a delight to have this opportunity. But at the same time a thing that I am unable to share with anyone because it is so easily misunderstood. I guess I will sit back and discover You, Lord. More of You!

2005-10-18T14:30:00.000-05:00

Kim